It is not surprising that the mother-in-law teaches you how to live. This is an eternal theme. An ideal relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is a rarity. But it is in your power to make them a little more comfortable both for yourself and for her.
Be objective
Anyone does not like to receive unsolicited advice. Especially if the obsessive adviser is the mother-in-law. But for the sake of justice, try to reflect - and suddenly in her words there is a rational kernel. Do cleanliness and comfort really reign in your home? Borscht delicious, obedient children? Do not be afraid to confess, first of all, to yourself if something is wrong. Perhaps it makes sense to improve your skills.
Try to understand
What drives a mother-in-law who wants to fit into your family with your husband? “Bad character, excessive love for my son,” - most of the daughter-in-law will answer. And they will be wrong. In 90 cases out of 100, conservative upbringing and foundations in one's own family make one dictate their own rules. Previously, large families lived under one roof with mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Only the oldest and most experienced family members had the right to vote, and the rest obeyed.
Not to change her
No matter how I would like to believe otherwise, but, alas, people do not change. Therefore, it is better not to have false hopes that this woman will suddenly stop interfering in your life. Yes, such mother-in-law are found. But they are initially different. As they say, relatives and "father-in-law" do not choose. You will have to somehow put up with it and learn how to find a common language.
But you don’t need to break yourself
Reconciling with the mother-in-law does not mean following her. You should not implicitly carry out her instructions, requests or, even worse, live by her rules. If she teaches you again, try the following tricks:
- Nod your head and agree: “you are right”, “and as I myself have not guessed it,” “it will be necessary to think about it.” In doing so, act as you think is right. If the mother-in-law remembers what you did not follow her, refer to the girl’s memory.
- Be inattentive and distracted. Constantly ask again. Pretend you don’t understand what they want from you. Sooner or later, a person will get tired of repeating the same thing, and he will lag behind you.
- Bring the situation to the point of absurdity. Constantly ask for advice from the mother-in-law. “And how much salt do you add to the soup?” Do you think blue socks or red are more suitable for your son? I’m choosing tea, which is healthier, with bergamot or jasmine? ” Feel free to call her every little thing, early in the morning, afternoon, evening. It is advisable to start doing this after another conflict and complaints that you are not listening to it. Continue the action for a week. Do not accept rejections and excuses. Seek advice. A week later, the mother-in-law will pray that they are behind her. And next time he will think 100 times before advising anything.
Constructive dialogue
Adults are distinguished by the ability to discuss conflicts and negotiate. If you do not like the teachings of the mother in law, you need to seek a compromise.
Choose a convenient moment and start a conversation:
- Ask her what her ideal daughter-in-law is.
- What claims does she have specifically for you?
- Explain that you also have your own ideas about the ideal mother-in-law.
- Tell us how you would like to see your “second mother”.
- Try to find ways to communicate and not conflict.
5 tips to make your life easier
The mother-in-law is not at all an evil woman, not a witch. Its main goal is not to get rid of you from the light, but to make life as comfortable as possible for your son. It is important to understand this. After all, it is from here that the desire to teach the daughter-in-law of life comes. The following tips will help you cope with the intrusive attention of your husband’s mom:
- Get support. Ask your husband to praise you. The words "how lucky I am with her, mother" can create a miracle. Over time, she will be convinced that you can be trusted with her child. No matter how funny it may sound, but your husband will always be a child for her.
- Praise your husband with her. The best compliment for a mother is about her baby. It is important for her to understand that you love and value him as much as she does.
- The farther, the dearer. Keep your mother-in-law at a distance. Drive away with her if you haven't already. Reduce her visits to a minimum. Rarely appear at her place. Come up with specious prepositions.
- Keep your mother-in-law in an information vacuum. The less she knows about your family life, the calmer both she and you will be. Ask your husband not to talk about your problems. Do not raise a child with her. Then she will have fewer reasons to find fault.
- Be above scandals and squabbles. Get away from quarrels. The sharp answers will only aggravate the conflict. Say that you do not intend to listen to insults, and you will leave the field of view, abruptly interrupting the conversation.
Give your mother-in-law a puppy, a tablet or a subscription to the pool. Find a way to load her free time to the maximum.
If nothing helps
It happens that the behavior of the mother-in-law goes beyond all inconceivable limits. If no peaceful means help, she behaves inappropriately, the only right decision is to distance herself. Stop all contact with her. Do not visit her. Do not call on a visit. Only respect politeness: “Hello. Goodbye". When you try to teach you life, break off the conversation: "I have no time." If the mother-in-law or the husband begins to inquire, what is the reason for the alienation, answer that you are ready to communicate. But all participants in communication should be comfortable. And then - see the section "Constructive dialogue".
Be prepared that your behavior may be received with hostility. Do not prove anything. Less meetings and conversations with the “mother-in-law” - and less worries.
Finally, we note: if the mother-in-law gives you practical advice, you need to overcome yourself and admit that she is right. Try not to take them for a personal insult. It is likely that you want good, not evil. Treat this woman as a second mother. Look at her teachings from a different angle. And remember that a bad world is better than a good war. A big friendly family - is it not happiness?